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These Are Trump’s Most Ridiculous Quotes From His Insane Boy Scouts Speech

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Some of you here tonight might even have camped out in this yard when Mike was the governor of Indiana, but the scouting was very, very important.”

Do the Boy Scouts use decoder rings? If they are to make sense of that statement, they’ll need some.

 “As the Scout Law says: ‘A Scout is trustworthy, loyal’ — we could use some more loyalty, I will tell you that.”

Shots fired at James Comey… and everybody else who hasn’t kissed The Donald’s Ring in order to “protect their president.”

“I’ll tell you a story that’s very interesting for me when I was young. There was a man named William Levitt — Levittowns, you have some here, you have some in different states.”

The president had assumed this particular group of teenagers had an esoteric interest in post World War II suburb-planning, which is just… wow.

“Oh, you’re Boy Scouts, but you know life. You know life. So — look at you.”

Have you ever been mid-story, but then you somehow lose your own plot and then words just sort of happen? That’s the least terrifying defense of the above statement.

 “He so badly wanted it, he got bored with this life of yachts and sailing and all of the things he did in the south of France and other places.”

You know how it is, Boy Scouts, when you get bored of your yachts? Especially in the south of France… and, uh, other places, right? Of course you do. You’re Boy Scouts — LOOK AT YOU!

“And in the end he failed, and he failed badly. Lost all of his money.”

At this point, I think the Boy Scouts were totally with him. They fully identified with the yacht ennui and they were empathetic to Levitt’s downfall. Sure, he was bored of yachts, the south of France, and other places — but he still wanted his stack of cash-money earth-dollars.

 “I saw him at a cocktail party, and it was very sad because the hottest people in New York were at this party.”

Totally. PSA: Boy Scouts — everything is sadder when you’re at a cocktail party in New York with, like, the hottest people.

“I went to Maine four times because it’s one vote, and we won. But we won — one vote. I went there because I kept hearing we’re at 269.”

Sure. Yeah. Why not? After the Jamboree, presumably all of the attendees were awarded Electoral College badges.

“But then Wisconsin came in. Many, many years — Michigan came in.”

Your guess is as good as mine. Wisconsin came in. Years happened, many of them. Michigan… came in.

“Wisconsin hadn’t been won in many, many years by a Republican. But we go to Wisconsin, and we had tremendous crowds. And I’d leave these massive crowds. I’d say, ‘Why are we going to lose this state?'”

Ah. Here were go. Bit of a course correction. Primary thesis is that Trump won Wisconsin. It seems appropriate to combine the prior two very(s) for a total of four. Wisconsin hadn’t been won in many, many, many, many years by a Republican. But Putin won it fair and square!

“So I have to tell you what we did, in all fairness, is an unbelievable tribute to you and all of the other millions and millions of people that came out and voted for Make America Great Again.”

I’m not sure that the majority of Boy Scout Jamboree attendees, with average age range being 12-17 voted in the 2016 election. If Trump believes that, he should get his voter fraud team on it, and fast!

“And by the way, under the Trump administration, you’ll be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again when you go shopping. Believe me. ‘Merry Christmas.'”

Remember the days when Americans were sent to the gallows for saying ‘Merry Christmas,’ kids? Yeah. That never happened and… it still won’t happen under my benevolent rule!

They’ve been downplaying that little, beautiful phrase. You’re going to be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again, folks.”

Gosh, I feel like audience heard him the first time. The reiteration feels oddly menacing. Is our president telegraphing a threat to these kids if they don’t say ‘Merry Christmas’? Is that where we are?

“I’ve known so many great people.”

Cool story, prez. Cool. Story.

 


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